Children and moving abroad: a checklist before you decide

Based on a discussion in the r/expats community about raising children in a country with a high quality of life but a weak economy: around 100 comments from parents in Spain, Portugal, Japan, Denmark, Poland, the Netherlands and elsewhere.

This is the personal experience of the participants, not research. The questions here are the ones different people ran into independently of each other, not the recommendations of a “majority”.

Source: the r/expats discussion. Your ticks are saved only in your own browser.

This checklist will not tell you whether to move. It walks you through the questions that matter most for how a child’s life will turn out in a new country, especially one that is good to live in but has a weak economy.

Start here

How long you are moving for

Everything else depends on this answer: school, language, paperwork. The riskiest option is to decide nothing, so the child ends up stuck between two systems: neither integrated nor ready to go back.

• We have honestly stated our horizon: for good, for a few years, or “we don’t know yet”. If it is “a couple of years”, a school that prepares for going back makes more sense. If it is “for good”, the local system does.
• Both parents agree on that horizon. Moving the whole family again often turns out to be impossible: divorce, elderly parents, visas.
• We know at what point we will revisit the decision: a specific age of the child or an event. For example, before secondary school starts, while changing systems does not yet break university admission.

The child’s age and the local language

The younger the child, the easier it is. But “kids pick up the language in six months” is not true for everyone.

• We understand how long it will take for the child to study in the local language on a par with classmates, not just chat in it. Everyday language comes within a year; the vocabulary needed for school subjects often takes years to catch up.
• We have taken into account the difficulty of the language and the age: 5, 10 or 14 are very different stories. By the teenage years, reaching native level is already much harder.
• We have a support plan: a tutor, an adaptation class, help with homework. A teacher in an overcrowded class is unlikely to work separately with a foreign child.
• We ourselves are ready to learn the local language at least well enough to talk to teachers and the parents of friends. Otherwise the child is alone in school life, and you are outside their circle.

The school and where it leads

The main question is not “is it a good school” but “which universities and job markets does it open the door to”.

• We know which country’s universities the graduates of the chosen school actually get into. An international programme may prepare well for British universities and poorly for local ones.
• We have a backup plan in case the final exams do not go brilliantly. Without high grades, a graduate of an international school risks ending up at an expensive, mediocre university abroad.
• We have compared all types of schools: state, semi-state, private on the local curriculum, international. Between “ordinary local” and “expensive international” there are often options in between.
• We understand who the child will make friends with at this school. If all the friends are expat kids who will scatter in a couple of years, the child will have no social circle in the country.
• We know about dual-diploma programmes and vocational education in this country. They can be an underrated but reliable route.

Home language and English

The discussion raised an unexpected risk: not the local language, but English or the home language, whose written form “slips”.

• We have decided which language we speak with the child at home, and we stick to it. If parents switch to the local language, the home language starts to fade.
• The child reads and writes in the home language, not just speaks it. Spoken language without literacy counts for little in admissions and at work.
• We understand whether the child will have English at a working level. In Europe it has long been a basic requirement, not an advantage.

Paperwork and freedom of movement

The most common argument of relaxed parents: if it does not work out here, the child can leave. That only works if the documents actually exist.

• We know in which countries the child will be able to study and work without a visa when they grow up. Dual citizenship, EU citizenship, the right to citizenship through parents.
• All the necessary documents are done now, not put off “for later”. Passports, birth registration, deadlines for citizenship applications.
• We have checked what happens to tuition costs if the child goes to university in the country of their citizenship. Residency status often decides whether you pay the local price or the foreign one.

Money as insurance

Many of the relaxed answers in the discussion rested on income from abroad or savings. Check how true that is for you.

• We understand what our income rests on: local salaries or money from another country. Living on outside money and building a career on the local market are very different situations.
• We have worked out whether we could pay for studies abroad if the child goes there. Exchange rates included: income in a weak currency converts poorly into foreign tuition fees.
• We know the full cost of the school for all the years ahead, not just the first one. A fee-paying international school is often the main reason families go back.

Will the child be seen as a local

There is no agreement on this in the discussion: some are sure the child will become one of their own, others that in some countries you never do. The answer depends on the specific place.

• We have talked to adults who grew up in this country with foreign parents. Their experience is more accurate than the opinions of adults who arrived, or of locals.
• We have soberly assessed how noticeable the child’s first name, surname and appearance will be. It is an unpleasant question, but it affects, for example, the response to a CV.
• We understand how much family connections matter for finding work in this country. Where jobs are found through acquaintances, the children of newcomers have no generations of local relatives.
• At home we do not set “our” culture against the local one. If parents constantly criticise the country, it is harder for the child to understand who they are.

When the child grows up

Nobody can predict the economy 15–20 years from now. But you can check the current situation of young people in the country.

• We know what local university graduates earn and do now. And what share of young people leave to study or work abroad.
• We understand that opportunities in the capital and in the regions can differ enormously.
• We are ready for the child to leave to study or work and possibly not come back. This is the most common scenario in the discussion, for expat children and locals alike.
• We are ready for the child to want to stay while we do not. Or the other way round. A grown-up child will belong to a different culture than their parents.

Verify, don’t take on trust

Claims from the discussion worth checking

They were stated confidently, but they are participants’ words. Check them against official sources and the schools in your city.

• Spain: British schools prepare poorly for admission to Spanish universities, where entry is strictly by grades and exams.
• Spain: the Bachibac and Abibac programmes in state schools give a dual diploma with France or Germany and access to their universities on equal terms with locals.
• Spain: concertados (semi-state schools) and formación profesional as underrated options.
• Portugal: national test results have fallen to their lowest since 2006.
• Your country: how long it really takes children of your child’s age to study in the local language on a par with everyone else. Ask the schools and the parents whose children moved at the same age.